Avoiding Interpersonal Conflicts

I myself would not choose to avoid conflicts. I like to face them head on and hope to not crash. My dad on the other hand tends to avoid conflict a lot, especially with me. I was having a conversation with him about going out of town for the weekend. I told him before I asked that I was not sure what he was going to say. I was right, I did not know what he was going to say because he did not say anything. When I asked him, he asked a few questions and then just got up and walked away. My dad used physical avoidance inorder to avoid answering my simple question, which had a simple answer of yes or no. For the both of us it is a lose, lose situation because he has to try and avoid me, while I lose because I did not get an answer. I wish that my dad would give me an answer, especially the one I want. But if it came down to it I would rather have him be accomodating, have his way because at least he would not have to try and avoid me then and I would not be in an awkward situation of not being able to give my friends an answer.

communication climates

My communication climates change drastically between school, work, and home. Most people would think that work would probably be the worst communication climate, however, I would have to disagree. At work, I feel comfortable talking to my boss. If something is going wrong or needs changes, I feel it is easy to ask her questions and to provide feedback on how to help change the situation.
For example, I had picked up a few overnight shifts, sort of as a trial to see how I liked them. They are different than day and evening shifts because during the day there is a minimum of 2 information coordinators working and can have anywhere up to 4 throughout the day. This is the same in the evening. At night, you are all by yourself, there is no one else to whom you can ask a question to. For about five years, they have always had the same two people working night shifts with a third person who picked up on occassion. There are always disputes between the night time and day time people. I had worked mostly days before trying the evening shift. When I took these shifts I thought about how the communication climate might change. It did slightly, but not in a negative way. I just found that they worked at a faster pace.
At home I feel that the communication climate changes drastically from one minute to the next. For instance, if we are talking about family events, our work schedules, or what we are doing that day, it is a happy sunny day climate. On the opposite spectrum, if we are talking about relationships and other such issues, the climate becomes very stormy, very quickly. I feel that the storm often stays for a while, until it cools down enough.
At school I feel that the communication is overcast most of the time. This is because I listen to the lectures and take notes, but have little time to communicate with classmates.

Hinting

If anyone knows me, they know that I am never one to make a decision. If I do, it is after a long thought process, followed by a long conversation with someone to make sure I am making the right decision. Even after being given choices, I never like to make a decision because if something ends up going wrong or one party ends up being more fun than the one I chose, Iwould not want it to be my fault. I am the queen of hinting however. I tend to make hints especially if I do not like one of the options I am given. I do this because if the people I am talking to are truly listening to me, they will understand what I am saying and take it into consideration when they are making the decision.
I am also likely to use hints when trying to be polite, but still get the message across that I do not like what you are doing. I use hints to get the desired response that I want, without directly knowing if I hurt their feelings or helped to make a decision, important or not.
An example of when I used a hint was saying "I am getting a little tired, can we leave soon" to my boyfriend, instead of saying "you've had to much to drink, we have to leave!"

Why I Self Disclose

As you should know by now, I am a somewhat quiet person. I keep a lot of feelings to myself and do not like to let people in. There are a few different reasons why people choose to self disclose information. The main reason I choose to self disclose is the reason called "Catharsis" in the book. Catharsis is making an effort to get something off of your chest. I am one that strives for perfection and am often ashamed of making a mistake. When I self disclose, it may not seem like a huge deal to someone, but admitting my mistake to someone is very significant to me. I do self disclose information other than just mistakes I have made. I often disclose information so that I can hear the other person's reactions and feelings to what I have told them. That way I am able to clarify my beliefs, opinions, and thoughts. In my first year of college I had something quite terrifying happen to me. I was blaming it on myself, but knew that it really was not, so I disclosed information to my mom, so that she could tell me that what I was feeling was right and that what happened to me really was not my fault.

Self-Disclosure

I was friends with a girl that we will call Jane. Jane and I talked about almost anything, from family, friends, deep down to relationship details. Jane and I would get together just for the purpose of talking. We both trusted each other with what we were talking about, even though we could not always relate to each other and or agree with decisions we made. We were talking about relationships one day, when she said "Alyssa, I have to tell you something that I no one else knows about". I became a little nervous, with so many different ideas running through my head, but I would have never come up with this one. Jane telling me this was obviously diliberate and significant. Obviously I can not say what she told me because that would break the trust in each other. She had said little remarks before that made me think what she told me, but I never thought it was true. It was very random because we were not talking about relationships at the time she disclosed this information. I would say that the depth of what she disclosed to me is quite high. I think the depth is high because it is something that she had not told anyone else, was about her relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and shared many of her feelings.

Relationships are Constantly Changing

There is no such thing as "happily ever after", unless you are watching a disney movie. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, it seemed like we would never fight. There would never be any differences that we would have to argue about, any feelings that would be different. But reality hit, which I knew would come about, but he did not. As you grow in a relationship, you learn more about the person and ideas may change. When I first started dating my boyfriend he did not have a job. It did not bother me at the time because he had just got laid off. After a few months however, my feelings changed, therefore our relationship changed. I felt that did not want to make an effort. He told me that I was making too big of deal about this, because I had no problem with it before. Because time goes by ideas and people change, so in order to keep the relationship happy and move into the "happily ever after" that does not really exist, my boyfriend needed to realize that we will have arguements, that does not mean that we do not like each other anymore, it just means we have a problem. Life goes around in a big circle and every once in a while there may be a bump in that circle but we need to get past it and the best way to do that is to communicate!

Why We Form Relationships

There are many reasons why people form relationships. I think that I have formed relationships with people based on appearance, similarities, differences, liked someone purely because they have shown interest in me. However, the relationships that have lasted the longest were based on the saying "opposites attract". I find that when I do have many similarities with people, its not that I do not get along with them, but I feel I also need a person who compliments me. I am always known as the shy, quiet person who does not usually say much to anyone. This is especially true in a social situation. The relationship that I am in right now definitely fits the "opposites attract" saying because he is the exact opposite of me in social situations. He will say just about anything and do just about anything even if it is slightly embarrassing. When we go out places he is always talking to people and being the "loud, attention drawer". This compliments/makes up for me being the less talkative type, but also makes me push my envelope in order to become friends with his friends. He definitely dominates the social aspects in our relationship, but I compliment him in that I have much stronger work ethics then he does.